I'm Sorry
by wildfire210
Summary: I'm sorry that I failed you. I'm sorry that I'm such a burden- nothing but a hindrance to my clan. I'm sorry that I wasn't strong enough. I'm sorry that I wasn't brave enough. It's too much too ask, but do you blame me? I don't blame you if you do. I don't deserve forgiveness. But even though it won't change anything, all I can say is I'm sorry...
1. Chapter 1

_I'm sorry._

I couldn't save Dashpaw, my best friend, the one who I told all my secrets to, the one I trusted and loved like a brother, my partner. We fought countless battles together, we could always tell what was on the other's mind. We were inseparable, brothers in all but blood. We had never lost a battle, we could take on the fiercest warrior in the forest as long as we fought together. We acted as one in the heat of the battle, I being the brains, the cunning, Dashpaw being the strength, the main opposition. Together, we were feared just as much as Darkstar, the ruthless leader of Shadowclan. I stood powerless in the end, forced to watch him die.

_I'm sorry._

I couldn't save Mistpaw, my friend, my clan mate... my love. I owed her my life, and I would have gladly given it in her place. She was a skilled healer, despite the fact that she wasn't a medicine cat. She had retrieved me when I had fallen through the ice and revived me when I lost consciousness. She tended to each wound I received in battle, whispering comforting words into my ear. She didn't deserve to die the way she did. I can still hear her screams as she torn to pieces- _literally._

_I'm sorry._

I don't blame them. Sunpaw, Mistpaw's brother, and Frostpaw, Dashpaw's sister, hate me to their very core. They shoot me looks of such pure and utter hatred that I'm forced to turn away. They make my life impossible, tormenting me in anyway possible when no one is watching. I don't hate them for the wounds they inflicted on me; I deserve more. Much more then a broken foreleg and a ripped ear. They don't apologize, and I don't force them. I deserve it.

_I'm sorry._

The clan has shunned me, turned their backs on me when I needed them the most. I'm nothing but a failure in their eyes, nothing but a hopeless cause. They have moved on with their lives, barely bothering to remember my name. I'm not a clan mate to them. I'm no more important than a passing rogue.

_I'm sorry._

I slowly get to my paws and creep out of the den, keeping to the shadows. I'll not burden them any longer. They consider me that, I can tell by the way they look at me. I'll just steal out of their lives quietly, like I had never existed. I'll find a dark corner somewhere to curl up and sleep. With any luck, I'll never wake.

_I'm sorry._

There's one more place I have to see. I need to visit this place, to bid farewell for a final time. I've put it off for so long, but I feel like I'm ready. Though all this place carries is nothing but broken hearts and shattered dreams.

_I'm sorry._

I hesitate for a moment at the entrance of the graveyard, placing one paw unsteadily over the border. This is where the clan's fallen warriors are buried, their stories passed down from generation to generation so that they are never forgotten. There has been the legendary Firestar, the noble leader of Thunderclan, or Yellowfang, the strong-willed medicine cat of Shadowclan. I'm searching for two specific graves though, two that will soon be nameless and forgotten.

_I'm sorry. _

I pause at the foot of Dashpaw's grave. Mistpaw's grave lays right beside his. I keep my head bowed in respect for the fallen, remaining silent as I honor my friends. I want them to know that I miss them, and I still care for them. A relentless question pounds in my mind, but I push it out. This moment is for Dashpaw and Mistpaw.

_I'm sorry._

I can't take it any longer. "Do you blame me?" I don't care that there is no one to hear, I have to know. "Do you?" There is no answer of course. I turn around a couple of times and settle down, stretching out on top of both graves so that one paw is touching each. I let my eyes close and let myself slowly slip away...

_I'm sorry._

A faint rustle in the bushes jolts me awake. I snap my eyes open, instantly on high alert. Deep down, part of me wishes that something will be come barreling out of the bushes, prepared to end my life. I've got nothing to lose.

_I'm sorry._

A brown tom with black markings on his face pads out from the bracken. I recoil in fear at the mere sight of him. Why? After all, he's just an ordinary everyday tom, right? Wrong. That is nothing close to an ordinary tom. That- that's _Dashpaw!_ I realize this in a brief instant, springing to my paws.

_I'm sorry._

Wait- there's something wrong with this picture. This isn't Dashpaw. He's dead. This is nothing but a cruel mind-trick. I come to this realization quickly and sink to the ground once more. Apparently Starclan hasn't taken enough from me. First my friends, my family, my love, and now my sanity. I close my eyes slowly, determined to never stir from my spot.

_I'm sorry._

A sharp claw prods my side. I clamp my eyes shut, digging my claws into the ground. This is a dream, just an illusion. Whatever's doing this, _it's not really there._ I shift uncomfortably, trying to block out any emotions that are rising.

_I'm sorry._

"Wake up Rippedpaw, wake _up!_" The speaker thrusts his paw into my side, shoving me with his muzzle. After a few unsuccessful attempts, the speaker sighs. "Sorry to have to do this." In a brief instant, the speaker has my tail in his jaws. He clenches it tightly, jerking it back. Searing pain floods my body, and I jerk up my head angrily.

"What the heck is wrong with you?" I roar. "Do you have any idea how much that hurts?"

A look of amusement crosses the speaker's face. I'd recognize that look anywhere, that familiar glint of green eyes. I still refuse to believe it though, until he speaks. "Looks like you haven't changed a bit. I'd would've thought that temper would have smoothed out a bit, but I guess that you can't get everything you wish for..."

"D-Da-Dashpaw?!" I stammer, almost afraid to believe it.

"It's me. Sorry to disappoint you." Dashpaw says, a glimmer of amusement in his eyes.

"What are you doing here? I mean, last time I checked you were-"

"Dead? Yeah, I've been getting that a lot." Dashpaw said this casually, as if discussing the time of day. He leapt into the air, leaving me in awe. He simply disappeared, nothing but a gust of wind to those below. He slowed down and landed, shaking out his pelt. "That right there? That the only perk of being dead; I don't have earthly limitations."

"Are you a-" I trailed off not wanting to say _ghost._

He tossed his head back and laughed. "No. This is just a short stop, just to see if everyone is fine."

My face fell. "So you're not staying?"

Dashpaw shrugged. "Sadly no. I'll go into detail later. But anyways, how you been? Is everyone ok back at camp?" He tried to sound like he could care less, but excitement laced his tone.

I thought for a moment. "Twistedclaw was made deputy after Sparrowtail retired to the elder's den. Wisppaw was made a medicine cat, now known as Whispwind. Thrushtail also got his first apprentice, Pinekit. We all really, really miss you and Mistpaw though. Especially Sunpaw and Frostpaw, they miss you the most."

Dashpaw flicked his tail towards my nicked ear. "She did that, didn't she?"

I turned my head away, unable to meet his gaze. "It's nothing."

"Don't lie to me Rippedpaw. I know you too well. I'll have to talk to her about that..." Dashpaw's voice trailed off. His gaze sharpened, and he straightened out. "I have to go now. Nice seeing you again."

I rush forwards, my thoughts jumbled in my mind. "Wait- there's something I want to ask you. Two things actually."

Dashpaw met my gaze, his head tilted to one side. "What is it?"

"If you can come to me, then can-" I pause, not sure if I should continue. "Can Mistpaw come?"

Dashpaw's gaze softens. "She can come, but she doesn't want to." Seeing my crestfallen look, he continues. "You have to understand, she's hurting a lot. She loved you, much more then you know. She can't be with you, not until you die. And she knows that you'll probably find someone else, and it's killing her inside."

I bite my lip, wishing I could hold her close and tell her that there's nothing to fear. There'll never be another, I knew that ever since I laid eyes on her. "If you see her where you're going, tell her I said, Hey. Tell her that I miss her and that I- promise."

Dashpaw flicks his ear in understanding. "Ok. What's the second question?"

"Do you blame me? Was it my fault that you died?"

Dashpaw turns his head away. "I'd never blamed you. Not for a minute."

He slowly turns away and trots into the forest, humming a merry little tune. I follow him, feeling the need to say something, anything, before my friend disappears from my sight forever. "I'm sorry." The words flutter in the air as soon as they fall from my lips.

Dashpaw turns his head, meeting my gaze squarely. "I forgive you."

* * *

**So, I'm having a little writer's block, so I decided to type a oneshot. Maybe I should make a book of them? I hope you like it. If you did, review, if you didn't, again ,I don't care, REVIEW!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thought you would like something like this. (This is from Mistpaw's Pov.) ****Enjoy. :)**

_I'm sorry._

I never wanted to cause you such pain. I never meant to die. It wasn't like I asked for it to happen. It hurt me as I watched you suffer my brother's wrath from Starclan. As much as I wanted to stop it, I couldn't. I was forced to watch your pain, as you had to watch me die.

_I'm sorry._

Being the idiotic coward which I was, I refused to come to you. I just _knew _you would find another she-cat, a pretty blue-eyed warrior who you could spend all of eternity with. My heart was breaking, and I cruelly refused to come, as you suffered by my friend's paws. I loved you even more then you know, and I couldn't help but think of what could have been.

_I'm sorry._

Dashpaw seemed to be the only one of us with a bit of sense. Though he was saddened that he would never be a warrior, that he was doomed to be an apprentice for all eternity, he still pushed through it. He put on a smile and was soon back to his normal, cheery self. He even visited you, just to make sure that you were alright and to say goodbye. I, the coward, wouldn't go, but I watched from the shadows. I let a low chuckle when I heard you say, _"I promise." _There had been so many other toms that said that, and in about a season they would crooning over another she-cat and her first litter. Meanwhile, their former mates would watch on from Starclan, turning away with broken hearts.

_I'm sorry._

How was I to know that you had each and every intention of keeping that promise? How many times did you feel torn, broken, and beaten because of me? You were a very attractive tom, pure-black with chilling, piercing blue eyes. Several she-cats you turned away, and all for my sake.

_I'm sorry. _

I watched as you received your warrior name, Rippedheart. What name could suit you better? Your friends and family had been torn away when you least expected it, struck down so quickly you didn't have time to say goodbye. I couldn't help but shudder, however, as I remembered I was partially the cause of your ripped heart.

_I'm sorry._

You soon became a deputy. I cheered for you in the ranks of Starclan, but I would have loved to be by your side. You proved your worth in a battle with Thunderclan, your grief giving you the strength of Tigerclan and the courage of Lionclan. You struck down the fiercest of warriors, you even managed to kill the leader and avenge my death. I watched this display of brutality and strength and I couldn't help but wonder, _Was this the same tom I had fallen in love with?_

_I'm sorry. _

You were. I had feared, just for a moment, that you had changed. Never before I had seen such cold, brutal attacks or the cold fury that burned so fiercely in your icy blue eyes. I hadn't known that you were just possessed by grief, that that was what had shaped your behavior. You yourself seemed chilled to the bone as you analyzed the results on the battlefield.

_I'm sorry._

When Hawkstar's last life was lost to greencough, and you left for the Moonpool, I begged to give you a life. The Starclan cats were suspicious at first, after all, I had avoided you all this time, so why so suddenly would I want to grant you a life. How could they have known that I desperately wanted to apologize, to renew our friendship? They gave me permission, however, and I waited for you with great anxiety.

_I'm sorry._

I could barely hear the other's voices. I did catch a glimpse of Dashpaw as he stepped forward, warmth flooding his bright green gaze. "With this life, I give you the gift of friendship. May you be loyal to your friends, and protect them as you do your clan." I watched as he touched noses with you, then melted away into the many ranks of Starclan.

I stepped forward nervously, flicking my tail from side to side. Your eyes widened with surprise, and I felt my heart give a pang of sorrow. Had it really been so long? Had I been that careless?

"Mistpaw," you whisper, and for the first time I realize how much you had changed. You were not the small wiry tom I had known in the past, instead you had become a confident, mature cat. Hard muscle shows through your sleek pelt, and a wisdom beyond your years glints in your eyes. You have grown up, and I am left an immature apprentice.

"With this life I give you love," I murmur, letting the words slide off my tongue. "Use it for all your clan, from the youngest kit to the oldest elder." I gently touch my nose to yours and start to back away.

"I still love you." The whisper is soft, and it hangs in the air for a moment before reaching my ears. "I always have, and I always will."

I turn my head slightly, my whiskers trembling with joy. So you haven't been mad, he haven't been angry with me! To know that you still keep my in mind, that you still loves me, that takes a load off my shoulders. I rush back towards you, knocking you off your paws.

I tuck my head under your chin, pressing my body against yours an a final embrace. "I'm sorry." I whisper again and again, though you doesn't seem to mind.

You look my gaze squarly, giving a bitter-sweet smile. "I forgive you."

* * *

**So, since some of you were unsure about what happened to Rippedpaw in the end, here you go. Hope you enjoyed, because even if you didn't, reviews are required. :)**


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